You meet someone for coffee, enjoy the conversation, and go home still feeling lonely. You hoped it would feel easier by now. After several conversations, you still have to explain things an old friend would understand.
I think we sometimes expect a new friendship to arrive with years of familiarity already built in. We remember how comfortable old friendships became and forget how long that took. In a study of adults who had recently moved, researcher Jeffrey Hall found that more time together was associated with closer friendships.
Paul tells Christians learning to live together to “be patient, bearing with one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2). That patience has a place in new friendships too. We can give someone room to become familiar without demanding closeness on our schedule.
After your next conversation, notice something you learned about the person. Let that count as progress. You can appreciate a beginning while still wishing you had someone who knew you well.
For more on making room for friendship, read Hospitality Isn’t Optional.
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